Great truths that little children have learned!
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1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize
cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. |
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap. |
Some hilarious pictures to make you laugh!
Why God Made Moms--and other Questions! (Real answers by real kids!)
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
Funny quotes about children and parents!
Your children tell you casually years later what it would have killed you with worry to know at the time.
Mignon McLaughlin
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
— James Dent
“If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not as an example.”
George Bernard Shaw
“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas”
Paula Poundstone
When you have children yourself, you begin to understand what you owe your parents.
-- Japanese Proverb
"All these kids yours mister? Or is this a picnic?", "They're all mine, and believe me it's no picnic."
--Cheaper By The Dozen
Insanity is hereditary: You can get it from your children. ~ Sam Levinson.
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. ~ Harry S Truman
“One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.” Erma Bombeck
Have you any idea how many kids it takes to turn
off one light in the kitchen? Three.
It takes one to say, "What light?" and two more to say,
"I didn't turn it on."”
Erma Bombeck
Mignon McLaughlin
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
— James Dent
“If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not as an example.”
George Bernard Shaw
“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas”
Paula Poundstone
When you have children yourself, you begin to understand what you owe your parents.
-- Japanese Proverb
"All these kids yours mister? Or is this a picnic?", "They're all mine, and believe me it's no picnic."
--Cheaper By The Dozen
Insanity is hereditary: You can get it from your children. ~ Sam Levinson.
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. ~ Harry S Truman
“One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.” Erma Bombeck
Have you any idea how many kids it takes to turn
off one light in the kitchen? Three.
It takes one to say, "What light?" and two more to say,
"I didn't turn it on."”
Erma Bombeck
How many dogs does it take to change a pond filter?
Border collie:
Just me. I'll also upgrade your filter and put in new plumbing.
Golden retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you want to clean a pond filter?
Basset hound:
Did you say something?
Poodle:
I'll just blow in the border collie's ear, and he'll do it. By the time he finishes with the plumbing, my grooming will be complete.
Shih tzu:
(Fails to respond, continues to bark at squirrels.)
German shepherd:
Five. One to hold the filter in place, one to turn the plumbing valves, one to remove the filter, one to clean the filter, and one to bark orders.
Rottweiler:
Make me!
